You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
