Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
