Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
