My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I smell like Dick and happiness
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
