i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
