What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
