who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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