So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
