why didn't you poke me back
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
