cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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