12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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