I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
