He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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