Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
