so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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