I want to stick my p in your. b.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Bring me that man meat
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize