got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
