DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
