U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
