I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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