I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
