you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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