yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
