you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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