It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Found your dick twin last night
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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