I'm going to jail i love you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
