No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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