the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
