You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
