i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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