Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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