he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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