You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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