Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
