theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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