Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
