Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
