tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
