girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
