bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
