Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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