I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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