So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
