just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
