I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
