i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
