so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize