I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just invented taco cereal.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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