I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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