I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
His hands were made for my vagina.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
