Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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