You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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