i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
