Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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