Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
