so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
