girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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