I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
