ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
