I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
