i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
