even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
