Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
In other news, I just burned my penis
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
