the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The best revenge is premature balding
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize