I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We got so high we made milksteak
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
