I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
