i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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