3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
