it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
