i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
