Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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