Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Farmville is her only friend.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
