I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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